Ice Cube is a dick.

Ice Cube should not star in children's movies, Ice Cube should not star in children's movies, ICE CUBE SHOULD NOT STAR IN MOTHERFUCKING CHILDREN'S MOVIES. He has starred in 3 children's movies in the last four years. Fucking seriously? I'm done, I'm too pissed to say anything else before rolling into the top five reasons Ice Cube shouldn't star in any more children's movies:

5) Gangsta, Gangsta. "Takin' a life or two, that's what the hell I do. You don't like how I'm livin', well, fuck you." That's who I want teaching America's children about road trips, home repair, and Pop Warner football.

4) Friday. Ice Cube's first big cinematic hit was all about smoking weed, selling weed, owning unlicensed firearms, trying to fuck your sister's friend, and drug-related violence. Take away the word "friend" in that sentence and replace "weed" with cocaine, and you have the plot of Scarface.

3) The Wrong Nigga to Fuck Wit. In Cube's 1991 track, he claims that "when [his] nine goes buck, it'll bust your head like a watermelon from twelve stories up" Clearly, this guy is a role model-oh, fuck. Did he say something about that in Gangsta, Gangsta? "To a kid lookin up to me-life ain't nothin but bitches and money."

"Stay in school, kids!"

2) Hello. In this ill-advised quasi-reunion of NWA, Ice Cube reminds everyone that he "started this gangsta shit." People talk about how much pressure is put on young people in poor areas to be tough. Maybe the person who claims he started that movement isn't the best to counteract it with fart jokes and physical comedy?

1) All of the children's movies he has made so far. The International Movie Database doesn't rank any of the three higher than a 4.2/10. The three movies combine for a 10.3/30. He is fucking terrible at making kid's movies. Although, to be fair, he didn't have a lot to work with in The Longshots. That was the second project of this director:

"I directed this poignant piece about a young woman's struggle with gender roles for the nookie."

Ice Cube, I'm an easy guy to please. All I need to be happy is enough scotch to put in my corn flakes every morning. But you are fucking pushing it. You made excellent gangster rap, and were a true musical pioneer. But that doesn't make you Mister Fucking Rogers. Stop making kid's movies. You get a 6/10 on the International Dickhead Scale, and I've got my eye on you.